Thursday, 24 March 2011

J'en ai marre, Vincent!

Left you on Monday with a bit of a whiney blog about how they’re bitching about the internet and my flatmates appear to hate me. I can gladly say that they appear to have stopped hating me now, I think they go through phases. Anyway.

Tuesday, I had a glorious half 8 start, which normally I don’t mind as I tend to get Thursday morning off on the week that I start at 8.30. However, one of my lessons had changed from Tuesday afternoon to Thursday morning, so let’s say I wasn’t quite as enthusiastic about dragging myself away from my REALLY COMFORTABLE BED.

I managed it eventually, and slowly trundled down the hill to work. I’ve got some funky leg issues right now, which I really need to get seen to, I can walk up hills pretty much sans probleme but walking down them causes agony in my shins and ankles. Strange. But still – I got there eventually.

Spent my first lesson with Year 10 euros practising witness interviews for a murder mystery. Their module is basically a massive game of Cluedo, it’s awesome. Beats the crap I studied at GCSE. Ou est le syndicat d’initiative? DO I CARE WHERE THE SYNDICAT D’INITIATIVE IS? DO I?

As I was saying. I spent an hour working on the witness interviews with the kids, and was reporting back to their teacher about how they worked, and I left the room as another group of kids I work with were lining up outside the classroom.

I say lining up, I mean more in a massive crowd jeering two kids on who were having a massive punch up. This got split up by a couple of the boys but unfortunately, angry children are unbelievably strong and they were failing in a way that would disappoint Charlie Sheen. Myself and the teacher had to get involved to keep the two boys apart as they were screaming all the “connard” and “putain” under the sun. Eventually it all calmed down a bit, and I strolled off up to the staff room to write my blog about the boy (from the same class, incidentally) who had been excluded for carrying a knife.

As my timetable had been altered and a teacher was absent, I only had one more lesson, which was at 1pm. It was Year 9 euro, who have been working on spirituality and legends concerning the creation of the universe according to ancient tribes and such like. Their teacher had first started suggesting that I help them with translating it, but imagination took over and before we knew it we had an entire project planned out where they were to create their own legend about the creation of the universe. They worked in groups, and let their imagination run free. I gave them an example:


But they had better ideas. I’ll list a few.

1/ The world is made out of a massive doughnut, and the ingredients for doughnuts are the recipe for life.
2/ The world is controlled by a massive Chicken God, called Scrambled Eggs, who rose up from underneath the earth, and laid eggs to create the universe, and lays eggs now like Kinder Eggs, with surprises in them.
3/ The world was created when a giant fell off the top of a mountain, and his arse hit the ground so hard that it broke into several pieces which now form our continents.
4/ Our God is a massive multicoloured parrot and we are born from one of the elements, the element we derive from has a strong bearing on our personality.
5/ God is Chuck Norris. One day he wanted to eat some cooked meat, and because he is God, he decided to make a barbecue. But instead, being Chuck Norris, he created the sun.

I was quite impressed with them, I must say. I love that class. I’m definitely going to miss them when I leave.

After work I decided to go into Paris, to wander about a bit and to buy a phone that would permit me to use Skype so that I could talk to my lady as and when I wish rather than having to wait until the computer gods said it was okay. This was very unsuccessful, as I withdrew the money to buy the phone I wanted then was promptly ignored by everyone in the shop when I wanted to enquire about buying it.

So it was home again, with, shall we say, a substantial amount of cash in my wallet. I needed to go to the supermarket, so I popped in there, avoiding the group of criminal-looking kids (I’m sorry but you can’t be too judgmental when you’re strolling round Les Tarterêts), grabbed a few bits and pieces that I could have for my dinner and went over the road to the Lycée where I live, where I found my Brazilian flatmate stood outside. I went over and said hi, and she informed me that she was waiting for the police.

Why on earth was she doing that?

Well, she’d just seen a boy mugging a girl, so she’d phoned them. I was like “C’EST VRAI? PUTAIN!” and as the police arrived, I hurriedly took myself into the grounds of the school where I wasn’t going to risk being mugged for the substantial amount of cash that I’d been worriedly carrying.

Tuesday evening was mainly spent taking bins out, eating bread and cheese (Cathedral City is my favourite cheese ever) and talking to my lady.

Wednesday was a bit of a non-day really. I was ill in the morning, so I stayed in bed in between falling through the corridor to get to the toilet. When I could finally sit up without feeling like I was going to die, I played around with emails, and pretended to be productive.

I popped to the supermarket to get some dinner (I’ve found the nicest microwave meal in the world ever) and as I got home and started putting it all away, my German housemate came into the kitchen and asked me if we could put the bins out together. What sort of social activity is this? She explained something about the bin being “not good” so I assumed that the dustbin was knackered. No, there was just a leak in the bin bag. Why it wouldn’t have sufficed to tip the bin bag into another one, I’m not too sure. And why it took two people to carry our relatively small dustbin out, I’m not too sure either.

Anyway. We got back and it was time to actually clean the bin as it was covered in some stinky liquid and apparently there’d been ants in it yesterday. She tied a cloth around her broom to try to clean it out, this failed, and she got a bit upset that her broom was covered in bin bacteria. Hello? Like tying a cloth around it is going to make a blind bit of difference? She gave up in the end, and scrubbed around the bin a bit before tipping the hot water and cleaning fluid out. I then rinsed the bin out, and to be honest it didn’t look any cleaner, so I took the cloth and cleaned it properly. She was pretty happy after this, so I cleaned the sink out and washed my hands before sitting down to enjoy my dinner.

Now it is Thursday, and I’m in work after a rubbish night’s sleep and having to get up earlier to get into work for 10.30. I took half of a year 7 class for the hour, practising their oral exam, and also trying to stop them all from climbing up on the platform type thing that had been moved from one classroom and piled up in the room I was using. I swear these kids are just, monkeys or something. There was also a group of kids arguing over who was doing what role, and one new girl who was refusing to work at all. Other than that, it was a pretty successful lesson with kids all working hard to get good grades in their test, asking for some pretty interesting vocabulary. One boy asked me a question, and I didn’t know what it was in French, so he drew it for me. A whip. He was punishing his son with lashes for having not cleaned his room. Ouch!

At the end of the class, I was trying to give their teacher feedback, and explaining why I’d given the class bastard a bad report for his work rate. I turned round and there he was, one of the kids from the next class (who had been standing in the doorway with a bit of a Damien kind of expression on his face) trying to break his headphones.

Funnily enough, it was one of the kids who had been fighting on Tuesday. Except this time, he wasn’t crying with rage, he was laughing as the boy whose headphones had just been broken was becoming increasingly angry. It turned into a fight that I swiftly broke up, and only at this point did any other kids try to get involved with stopping it so they could try and gain some brownie points for benevolence or something. I calmed the boy down before sending him off to his next class whilst the teacher shouted at the class, who were still trying to aggravate this kid.

He was very polite about thanking me before he went off to his next lesson to explain why he was late. He’s not a bad kid; he’s just a bastard in lessons and definitely needs some kind of anger management. The other kids definitely don’t help him, but he is a bit of a shit to be fair.

I made sure that the teacher was aware that he hadn’t started it at all, and then I came to the staff room, which is pretty much where I am now, writing my blog, waiting for my next couple of classes in about an hour, and thinking about heading to Paris to benefit from this sunshine for a while.

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